Post by Vince Russo on Mar 31, 2015 18:57:08 GMT
MM: Welcome to Night Two of Slamborusso!
MM: After the events of last night, Nirvana and Rick Astley have refused to let us continue using their song as the Slamborusso theme. Thankfully Triple H was able to get us in contact with Flo Rida and got us a new theme for tonight.
Miz: It's time for the first match of the night.
MM: Batista and Warrior, The Westboro Batista Church
Batista: Our partner, Ultimate, is not here tonight. However, we have another partner that is on his way. He'll be here shortly.
MM: And their opponents, Beth Ambrose, Tamina Reigns and Kaitlyn Rollins, The Shield.
MM: This match has tornado rules meaning all competitors are allowed in the ring at the same time.
MM: The Shield attacking right away. Tamina picks up Batista
MM: A spinebuster to Batista.
MM: Beth and Kaitlyn have picked up Warrior
MM: And they slam him down.
MM: Tamina already going for the SuperWoman punch.
MM: And it connects.
MM: Kaitlyn holding Warrior while Beth has him in a headlock. Tamina's going to the corner.
Tamina: ROOOOOOAR
MM: SPEAR TO BATISTA!
MM: Going for the pin.
1..2..3
MM: Oh my God!
MM: The Shield have won!
MM: I can't believe they were able to win before the WBC's partner could arrive.
Miz: The first TenGuy is about to be revealed!
MM: Here comes Tensai, megaphone in hand.
T: I promised everyone I would announce the first TenGuy here tonight. I'm doing more than that. I'm introducing a whole group.
T: Gay J Styles, Big John Slut
T: The Bi Show, Maria and TransJinder Mahal
T: I present to you all, THE GAY COMMUNITY!
T: Whatcha gonna do when THE GAY COMMUNITY runs wild on you?
MM: I don't even know how to describe what just happened.
Miz: Let's go to a video from our sponsor.
MM: What a match we have for you next.
MM: It's time for the lumberJACK match.
Miz: And time to introduce the lumberJACKS.
MM: Jack Lanza, Swag Jacker, Outback Jack, and Jack Swagger
MM: Now to introduce the competitors.
MM: Chris Hero
MM: And his opponent, Matt Hardy.
MM: This may be the most personal match that's ever happened in RCW.
MM: Hardy hits Hero with a vicious elbow.
MM: Hardy picking Hero up.
MM: He was too heavy.
MM: Hero continues to lay on Hardy. The ref is counting
1..2..kick out
MM: Hero going over to Hardy.
MM: He's picked him up.
MM: He's throwing Hardy to the outside.
MM: Hardy's holding onto the ropes and is pulling Hero to the outside.
MM: The lumberJACKS are surrounding Hero.
MM: They're jacking him up.
MM: They're throwing Hero back in the ring.
MM: Hardy going for the pin.
1..2..kick out
MM: Hero's struggling to get to his feet.
MM: Hardy helps Hero up.
MM: Hero clotheslines Hardy.
MM: What's Hero going to do now?
MM: He's got Hardy up.
MM: Armbar submission!
MM: Hardy's reached the ropes. Hero must break the hold.
MM: Hero's laughing. He's picking Hardy up.
MM: What the hell? HERO'S BITING HARDY!
MM: HE TORE HIS OTHER ARM OFF!
MM: Hardy's fallen down in shock. The ref is checking on him.
MM: The ref is disqualifying Hero.
MM: The ref raising Hardy's arm in victory.
MM: That was gruesome.
MM: It certainly was.
Miz: It's time for the tournament finals to crown the first RCW Women's Champion.
MM: Michelle McCalaway
Miz: There's the next Women's Champion, Maryse.
MM: I wouldn't be too sure of that.
Miz: Just you wait, she'll prove you wrong.
MM: There it is. The RCW Women's Title. These two women have fought hard to get to this point.
Miz: Really? Maryse won a grueling match. Michelle won because Khali was impersonating a woman. Michelle does not deserve to be in this spot.
MM: Does Khali?
Miz: No. Maryse should have been given the belt after beating AJ.
MM: Well, that's your opinion.
MM: Michelle starting things off by grabbing Maryse.
MM: She has Maryse in a headlock.
MM: She goes behind Maryse
MM: What a German Suplex.
MM: Michelle hooks Maryse's arms.
MM: Oh, she's picking her up for a powerbomb.
MM: Maryse escaped but fell right on top the ref.
MM: Michelle grabs Maryse
MM: And plants her with a DDT.
MM: Where the-where the hell are you going?
MM: Miz has left the table and has gone into the ring.
MM: He grabs Michelle.
MM: Skull Crushing Finale to Michelle!
MM: Miz is picking Maryse up
MM: He's placing her on top of Michelle.
MM: Miz is trying to wake the ref.
MM: The ref is up and is counting.
1..2..3
MM: Maryse has won with help from The Miz. Damnit.
MM: Miz has the title and is presenting it to Maryse.
MM: I can't believe Miz did that.
MM: You can't? I'm surprised he didn't do it sooner.
MM: THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT!
MM: OH MY GOD! IT'S BECKY LYNCH!
MM: Miz is running towards Lynch.
MM: She ducks him.
MM: He turns around and
MM: BKO OUT OF NOWHERE!
MM: Becky and Maryse having a stare down.
MM: Wow. That was intense.
MM: I can't wait to see Focalin in action.
MM: It's now time for the main event!
MM: The challenger, the UFC Heavyweight Champion, Vince McMahon
MM: And his opponent, the reigning, defending RCW World Heavyweight Champion, Dante Dash.
MM: That's what this is all about, folks. The RCW World Heavyweight Title. The most prestigious championship in any sport.
MM: Dash has poked Vince?
MM: What the hell? Damnit. No.
MM: Dash covers McMahon. The ref counts.
1..2..3
MM: DAMNIT!
MM: Dash has won. This is disgusting.
MM: And there's Russo. That piece of crap.
MM: This is bull****.
MM: WAIT A MINUTE!
MM: IT'S HENRY MARKS!
MM: Vince is running at him.
MM: Marks grabs Vince
MM: and slams him to the ground.
MM: He's staring down Russo and Dash.
MM: Dash is running at him.
MM: He picks up Dash
MM: And slams him down.
MM: It's just Marks and Russo now.
MM: What's Russo doing?
Russo: Ring the bell.
MM: Ring the bell?
MM: MARKS IS PINNING DASH AND RUSSO IS COUNTING THE PIN.
1..2..3
MM: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
MM: MARKS HAS JUST PINNED DASH. RUSSO IS RAISING HIS HAND.
MM: MARKS IS TAKING OFF HIS MASK!
MM: OH MY GOD. IT'S MARK HENRY. MARK HENRY WAS HENRY MARKS!
MM: RUSSO'S GOT THE TITLE!
MM: AND HE GAVE IT TO MARK HENRY! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ALL ABOUT? RUSSO FIRED HENRY AND NOW RUSSO HAS HELPED HENRY WIN THE WORLD TITLE?! I AM IN COMPLETE SHOCK. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO GUESS WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED. I HOPE WE GET ANSWERS ON MONDAY NITRUSSO. I AM SO CONFUSED. GOOD NIGHT.